


ALBUM OF THE YEAR: Ready to Get Hurt

by bylbit



Series: Extended Plays Trilogy [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2018-12-11 17:40:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11719269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bylbit/pseuds/bylbit
Summary: Hakyeon is loosing them, one by one, agonizingly slow.





	1. Side A, Track 1.1: CHAINED UP

The members were all scattered around the dorm. Hakyeon is busy bothering a sleepy Taekwoon, Sanghyuk and Jaehwan are busy with the older’s phone, Hongbin is in his own world strumming various melodies with his guitar and Wonshik—as usual—is asleep. They’ve had it rough even if it is only the first month of the year. From Year-end Festivals to Year-end Award Ceremonies, they have been going on with their practice just a little harder—as if their practice cannot be considered any harder—in order to ensure a great performance for the fans. And knowing Hakyeon—the group’s perfectionist leader—he will not stop until he gets the outcome he really wants, hence the hectic practice right after the release of their latest compilation album.

And today—like any other day since their debut—is a tiring one. They’ve had a couple of interviews for two magazines and a photoshoot for a clothing line they are endorsing. It is not before the dusk came that they were finished and were immediately sent to their dorm.

“Yah! Sanghyuk, what are you still doing? I thought I ordered you to take a shower now so you can finally rest? So why are you sprawled like that on Jaehwan’s lap?” A tired—and nagging—Hakyeon was heard all over the dorm. The members cannot help but pause from their individual tasks at hand and spare Hakyeon a questioning glance.

“Aish hyung. I’ll go shower later. I’m still playing with Jyani hyung.” Sanghyuk reasoned out. Indeed, the maknae and Jaehwan are still busy tackling something in Jaehwan’s phone that they somehow ended up in the position where Sanghyuk is sitting on Jaehwan’s lap—even the other members don’t quite grasp how they got to that.

And Hakyeon—seeing that the two are really into whatever they are doing—let them be. He then proceeded to walk towards Wonshik’s bedroom of which the door is tightly shut, barging once he arrived there unannounced. The scene that greeted him was Hongbin with his earphones plugged into his ears—Hakyeon swears he can hear Park Hyoshin’s voice—and Wonshik sleeping. The leader understands that they are all tired, but he knows that he shouldn’t let Wonshik sleep without even cleaning up. One time when that happened, the rapper ended up with a cold and runny nose, not to mention the horrible—as Wonshik describes it—back pain. So—for the love of Wonshik—Hakyeon endured the struggles of waking up a Kim Wonshik. It took quite a while, but we all know that no one can ever resist an insistent Hakyeon. In the end, Wonshik was able to shower and is now fresh and clean, much to Hongbin’s relief since he plans on spending the night in the rapper’s room. He wouldn’t have been able to endure the nasty smell if Wonshik ended up sleeping without cleaning up.

When Hakyeon’s responsibilities to Wonshik are done, he decided to bother Taekwoon once again, this time snatching the vocalist’s left earplug from its place in Taekwoon’s left ear and directly plugging it into his right ear. Yep. He’s been told that he is annoying, thank you very much.

When the clock strikes eleven, almost all the members are already in their respective bedrooms, ready to call it a day. Sanghyuk somehow remembered Hakyeon’s orders from earlier and went to the bathroom to shower. However, that happened with a little persuasion from Hakyeon—that being a threat that no one will be able to have breaks during practice.

The other members were already sleeping, not knowing that Jaehwan and Sanghyuk are still awake, both quite busy with their individual tasks—Sanghyuk showering and Jaehwan fiddling with a camera, fooling around VLive.

 

\--

 

Sanghyuk was more than annoyed. Hakyeon was acting as his nagging mother, again. He kept bothering him and Jaehwan. But Sanghyuk knows that the leader just wants what’s the best for him, even if it means that he has to sacrifice for himself. And so he didn't have a choice but to obey the oldest unwillingly, making the leader happy and finally went back to sleep, snuggling into Taekwoon's side of the bed--but of course, Taekwoon being his usual aloof self, he kept kicking Hakyeon away until he unwillingly backed down and fall into deep slumber.

That is why he is now in the shower, sporting an upcoming tantrum. You can’t blame the youngest though. Although he can be considered mature, his playful and childish self often comes out when he is with his hyungs, who keep on pampering him with love and care. He knows that they care, he knows that they love him. And he does too.

 

\--

 

"Hello my Starlight babies! How are you? Did you miss me?" Jaehwan was throwing cute--disgusting, for Hongbin--faces to the camera. He was doing a VLive for the fans because he had nothing better to do--if sleeping cannot be considered something to do.

_Where are the other members?_ A comment says.

"The other hyungs are sleeping, Kong and Shikkie are sleeping too. But our maknae Hyogi is still in the shower. Do you want to see him?" A playful smile adorned the vocalist’s face. He was eyeing the camera knowingly, as if he was looking at the fans’ and teasing them personally. It didn’t take even a few seconds before a flood of hearts were thrown to Jae, a couple of _yes_ and more with _please_.

Jaehwan slowly stood up from his position on his fluffy bed, and started tiptoeing towards the door. He was in his bedroom and he can't risk waking up Hakyeon and Taekwoon who were in the next room. He is sure as hell that once Hakyeon finds out that he is about to do what he is about to do—show a showering Sanghyuk to the world—he will be scolded till sunrise. Once outside his room he started going towards the hallway and into the bathroom.

"This is an exclusive preview of a Han Sanghyuk taking a shower. He is still a baby so some scenes will be rated SPG. Oh wait, there might be minors watching this. Shall I just go back to my room and forget that I was about to show you our maknae taking a bath?"

There were various comments after that, different words but always having the same meaning, _no_.

"I was just kidding. Calm down." The main vocalist was giggling like a school girl. He was holding the camera with his right hand and making peace signs with his left.

It only took him a couple of minutes before reaching the door leading to their bathroom.

"Hyuk-ah." He called. The vocalist can hear the water running in the background. "Hyuk-ah, our Starlight babies want to see you naked--I mean showering."

Usually, he will be answered with a sarcastic remark from the maknae but silence followed his words. Jaehwan became curious, if Sanghyuk is not answering, it's either because he fell asleep while showering or he already finished and is now in his bed, but he wouldn't leave the water running, would he?

"Hyogi!" He tried once again, still no answer. "Are you asleep? Sanghyukkie~ answer your hyung." The vocalist didn't receive any reply.

"Yah! It's very disrespectful of you to ignore elders! I will have to punish you for being a naughty boy." He didn't have a choice but to act like Kenjumma. It is one thing that annoys the hell out of the younger so he was pretty sure that Sanghyuk will finally answer him, but he was disappointed when he heard nothing.

"Yah, if you don't really want to be filmed, just tell me. Don't just ignore me, kid." He tried once again, but to no avail.

His assumptions as to why Sanghyuk was not answering was getting longer. From the younger being asleep to being drowned. He laughed at the thought but he can't help feeling a strange thing in his bones, turns out it's called worry.

Finally, when that little thing called worry crept into his spine, he grabbed the door's knob, slowing twisting it. He knows he is going to regret it later. The door was not locked. Sanghyuk never leaves the door unlocked.

He pushed the door lightly, poking his head into the room. At first, he saw no Sanghyuk, but an empty bathroom with the water running in the tub. When he finally entered the bathroom--forgetting that the camera was still on and that he was still live in VLive--his gaze fell to the boy sitting beside the tub.

And the camera that Jaehwan was holding fell to the floor. But before the camera's lenses fully cracked, a lovely sight of Han Sanghyuk's wet and well-built body was seen, lifeless.

With the shower cord wrapped around his neck, serving as chains.


	2. Side A, Track 1.2: CHAINED UP

It was Jaehwan’s high pitch scream that woke up the members from their deep slumber. Even Wonshik who was a deep sleeper was woken up by the horror-filled scream. Hakyeon was the first to come to Jaehwan, immediately falling into a sprint after hearing the latter scream. He was shortly followed by the other members, all of them sporting a worried expression on their faces. If Taekwoon was being honest, he was expecting to see a bug flying all over the bathroom, scaring the hell out of Jaehwan but what was inside the bathroom was never what any of them expected.

There in the bathroom's floor beside the tub was the group's maknae. He appeared to be sitting, but what caught the members’ attention was the shower cord wrapped around the younger's neck.

"What happened?" Hakyeon's worried voice ranged around the whole dorm. No one moved. Everyone stood frozen. No dared to even speak. Silence enveloped the place.

It was too fast, too fast to understand what the hell is going on. Then it finally came to the oldest. Han Sanghyuk, their youngest, was on the floor. Pale and lifeless. 

Taekwoon was the first one to snap out of shock. He cautiously walked towards the boy. He was hoping that what they are seeing is not what it seems like, that their Sanghyukkie is not dead and that he was just pulling a hilariously put upon prank. As he neared to the boy, he saw a glimpse of silver in its nape. When he fully looked at it, he realized that it was not just a silver, but was a metal chopstick, stuck in the maknae’s neck. A trail of blood from the back of his neck to his chest was now visible. 

The shower cord wrapped around the younger’s neck was tight, like whoever did it exerted delicate effort. Taekwoon cannot take what he was seeing. He backed away, a few steps, and turned to look at Hakyeon, silently asking for help. The leader was surprisingly calm; he was trying to take everything in. And when Hakyeon met Taekwoon’s gaze, the vocalist realized what the leader did during his silence. He built a wall that will prevent himself from getting hurt. His eyes are hard, but glistening with unshed tears.

Hakyeon approached Sanghyuk, and took his left wrist delicately. He tried looking for a pulse, but a whole five minutes without a beat were enough to tell them that their youngest truly left them, for good.

Hakyeon’s shoulders were shaking, Taekwoon noted. The leader was silently crying, facing their maknae’s lifeless body, but he doesn’t want any of his members to see him. A few more minutes but the other members are still frozen in place, though their hearts aren’t and so as their eyes. There were tears adorning their perfectly sculpted faces, their eyes were unfocused, and their minds were blank. It was Hakyeon who carefully removed the tangled shower cord off the maknae’s neck, as if it will pain the youngest if he becomes a little rough. It was Hakyeon who carefully put the youngest into a sleeping position in the tub. And it was Hakyeon who called the police that time of the night, not only because it’s his responsibility as the leader, but because he can see that nobody could, and so it was him.

The police came, but no one could answer their questions. The fact that they just lost their precious youngest is heavy in the air, but no one seems to grasp it. Even Hakyeon was unexpectedly cold and silent, but he did what he was supposed to do.

The police wanted to ask Jaehwan a few things, but Hakyeon didn’t let them. He is still in a state of shock, he says. Because he is. Jaehwan was the first one to see the youngest in that kind of situation, the youngest who is his favorite dongsaeng, the youngest who is his partner in crime. Jaehwan is devastated, and Hakyeon knows that.

So he sacrificed for the vocalist’s behalf. He faced the cops, acting tough and calm when all he truly wanted to do is to curl in his bed and cry. Taekwoon, on the other hand, was silently behind him. The vocalists hand was resting lightly behind Hakyeon's back. And the other members, Jaehwan, Hongbin and Wonshik, were sobbing silently behind them.

Before media even reached them, the news of their maknae's death was spread all over the internet. It was unbelievable. Some thought it was a prank, one of VIXX's crazy ideas. Others said it was a teaser for their new concept. But when news outlets report the dreadful event, Starlights mourned. And even more so, the VIXX Members. 

The day after the maknae's death, was the gloomiest they ever had. No one cracked a smile, laughed usually. Even the cheerful Jaehwan, tear-streaked, was sporting a frown on his face. The leader, despite the absence of tears on his face, was obviously mourning. Taekwoon, the group's silent hyung, was still crying. Same with Hongbin. Wonshik cannot sleep despite his attempts. It was very different, a day without the maknae. No, it will never be the same again.

For a whole week, after Sanghyuk's funeral, all of the members' activities were cancelled. They were supposed to be filming for their comeback the next few months. They just received their new award, everything seemed fine, but then. In a snap, this happened. They lost their maknae, and seems like they were losing themselves too.

The company allowed them to go home, to meet their friends, to spend time with their family, just that they couldn't bear to do so. Not when they know that their maknae cannot be home, enjoying life with his console on his hand. 

They were still mourning for their loss. Who wouldn't?

The police considered the case suicide. But the members know better. They were certain that the maknae will never do such thing. It was murder. They were positive it was murder. They just don't know how to explain that, with the lack of evidence. The mere fact that someone was able to enter their dorm and take the life of their youngest was scary enough. They knew that this was someone's doing and not their youngest.

But who would? Perhaps, the sasaengs? It wasn't really reasonable. Their fans, they were gentle. Impossibly disciplined, and obviously protective of the maknae. They know no one. There was certainly no reason to kill Han Sanghyuk. He was loved by everyone around him. 

What if Sanghyuk had a fight with someone? Some goons. That wanted to get back at the kid, secretly creeping at their dorm and killed him. For payback. This was the very thoughts of the leader. But no, the kid knew better not to pick up fights. They don't really go out; their packed schedule was enough as a tell-tale.

The case was hopeless, they said. But they cannot give up, not when justice is yet to be served. Sanghyuk’s life shouldn’t have ended like that. He was a good kid, full of ambition and talent. He was unbelievably smarter than his age, and incredulously sweet behind the scene. He doesn’t deserve to die like that.

“Come Taekwoon-ah. Wake up, I can’t cook and the kids need to eat.” The plea in the leader’s voice was evident, clear as the sun. The two oldest were in the vocalist’s room. It was only three weeks after their youngest death, yet it seems like everything changed around them. Laughter and teasing cannot be heard around the whole dominion anymore. Their lively smiles turned to tired and gloomy one. It pained Hakyeon to see his members slowly breaking, more so when he knows that he cannot do anything with that because he too is breaking, even faster than them.

Life is hard and impossibly short. One day you are living your life, the next you are losing it. Life is a battle that everyone wishes to win, yet it ironically makes us all lose despite the efforts. The loss of their maknae had a big impact on them, not only in their career, but also their lives.

A low grumble was Taekwoon's reply.

"Please? For the kids? We have to be strong, Taekwoon-ah. We can't continue living like this forever. It might be hard, without Hyogi. But we have to try, for him, for ourselves." 

That stirred something inside Taekwoon. He hates that what Hakyeon said is right. It is true that it had been hard since Hyogi's death, but it is also true that they cannot continue living their lives like this. They have to continue moving forward, and achieve the dream that they wishes to have.

Slowly, he sneaked a look to Hakyeon, who was sitting earnestly beside him. The leader had dark circles below his eyes, his usual lively smile is now sad. But nevertheless, he is still VIXX's Leader N, the leader that everyone knows as strong and unbending.

"Give me a moment." Taekwoon said in his soft, sweet voice. In the corner of his eyes, he saw Hakyeon nodding.

The few minutes were spent in silence, with Hakyeon looking at him softly and Taekwoon finding himself. A knock on the door startled the both of them. It was soon followed with the slight creek of the door and Jaehwan's head peeking in.

"What is it Jaehwan-ah?" Hakyeon smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Manager-nim said that we have to be at the company by one in the afternoon. But we haven't eaten anything yet." The way Jaehwan's voice feels so wrecked pains the Hakyeon and Taekwoon.

"Yes, Taekwoon will be cooking now. Tell the others to prepare themselves."

Since the unfortunate incident, the members never used the bathroom again. They were just sharing with the bathroom in Hakyeon's room, one that was too small and stuffy compared to the dorm's bathroom but it has to do.

They often find Jaehwan crying in the bathroom, leaning against the tub, in the exact same place where Sanghyuk was found. He was whispering profanities. Saying that maybe if he came to Sanghyuk earlier than he had, he could have save his precious maknae. He was blaming himself, but the members don't. No one does.

Once they were all prepared, they gathered around the vast space of their dorm's living room. They were all looking sulky and tired. Jaehwan's eyes were noticably puffy and red, and they know that it's from crying. Hongbin and Wonshik are sitting beside each other, quitely comforting each other with brief touches and gestures. Taekwoon was unbelievably silent, more than he ever became in his life. And Hakyeon, he was looking at his members, sympathy and understanding present in his eyes.

Asking if they are fine seems out of place. It was obvious, too obvious. They aren't fine and will never be. 

How would a group like them carry on like nothing happened? How would a Kpop Group like them move on when someone so precious to them, their bandmate, died? It was hard, but not impossible.

"Will they disband us?" Wonshik's sudden question caught the members’ attention. His expression was hard, and so as his voice.

"No, they won't." Hakyeon said, convincing them. But he is not sure if it was them who he was convincing or himself. "They won't, I assure you."

Life, they learned young, is unpredictable. You never know what will happen next. But whatever happens, you just have to go on. And they will. For themselves, for Sanghyuk.

_For now._


	3. Side A, Track 2.1: TRAP

Devastated is an understatement. There is no word that can describe what Jaehwan is feeling right now.

One month is enough to determine that the group changed. They stopped doing any activities, but they think that they are lucky enough not to get disbanded. They wouldn't know what to do if that ever happens. They've been staying at the dorm these days. Not really wanting to deal with the interrogation of the public. Sometimes, when things get a little too much, they can't help but break down.

That's how things are now.

The investigation regarding Sanghyuk's death has closed. It was suicide. But the members don't believe such claims. They've been on there own, looking for possible things that will help them determine what really happened to their youngest. Off all the members, Hakyeon has been working himself off. Going to Sanghyuk's friends, asking if they've noticed something wrong with. But all the answers he got are no. It was expected. Even them, who lives with Sanghyuk didn't notice a thing. Even Hakyeon who have always been hands-on with his members didn't notice a thing. Even Taekwoon who have always been observant didn't notice a thing. No one noticed. Because there was nothing wrong. Nothing to notice.

"Jaehwannie, are you listening to me?" Hakyeon asked. They were eating dinner, but the members noticed that the vocalist is not even touching his food. He stared at him, not knowing what to say.

He hasn't been himself these past few weeks. Perhaps because of the sudden change in lifestyle--Jaehwan reasons--but everyone knows it's not. It's because of the sudden loss they had.

It took the vocalist a few seconds before blinking and answering the leader like a lost child, "Were you saying something, hyung?"

The leader looked at him, a flash of pity was seen in his eyes--and Jaehwan didn't like it, didn't like anyone taking pity on him--but it immediately changed to concern. Hakyeon's expression was unreadable for a split moment, but he flashed the vocalist an encouraging smile.

"I was asking if you will be going home to your parents next week. Most of the members will go, Kong and Wonshikkie. Taekwoon would be away for a few days because of a personal appointment. And same goes for me. What do you think, Jyani?"

Jaehwan flinched upon hearing the nickname that Sanghyuk loves to call him. _Jyani. His Jyani hyung_. The night of Sanghyuk's death, a couple of hours earlier, the maknae just called him that. He didn't think that it would be his last time hearing that from the younger.

"I'll be staying here, hyung. I don't have anywhere to go anyway. My parents are away in a cruise. My hyungs are busy so I don't want to burden them." Jaehwan told them. It's true. His parents are away and his brothers are busy but it's not the reason why he wants to stay in their dorm. A little part in his heart is still expecting that everything that's happened is just a dream—that once he wakes up in his bed, Sanghyuk will go bursting into his room without consent, like he always does.

Pathetic, yes. But it's the only hope he is holding on to. He knows that he can't continue living like this, but he can't stop longing for his favorite dongsaeng. It has only been a month. One month ago, his Hyogi is still there, playing and teasing him but one month from then, Sanghyuk was gone, never to return.

Jaehwan was painfully reminded of the quote, "The truth hurts." Because realizing that Sanghyuk will never return makes his heart break into pieces. It makes him cry every time he thinks of it in the dead of the night, because whether he admit it or not, he loves Sanghyuk more than he should have.

 

\--

 

"Wonshik, do you think Jae hyung will be fine on his own?" A concerned Hongbin asked Wonshik just after they ate their dinner. The both of them are inside Wonshik and Sanghyuk's room, but it was before things happened. The room is only occupied by Wonshik himself now. There is no Sanghyuk sleeping on the bed next to Wonshik's although Sanghyuk's clothes are still in the closet. Hakyeon insisted that they leave it be, let it stay there until they leave themselves. It was the leader's way of preserving Sanghyuk's touch in the dorm--even Sanghyuk's photographs scattered around the dorm weren't removed. The dorm stayed the same, too bad the occupants didn't.

They are well aware of how much all of them changed. Hakyeon stopped being the talkative leader he is, although it was evident that he is trying his very best not get affected by what happened. Taekwoon who had always been silent, became more reserved, it's like talking to the 2012 version of Taekwoon. Hongbin and Wonshik changed too, though not much. They're still their playful old self, but without the existence of a smile. And Jaehwan. The members know that among them, it is Jaehwan who have been most affected with Sanghyuk's death. The dorm had been quite nowadays without Jaehwan's loud reactions and corny jokes that make the members laugh their asses out. They changed and it's not in a good way.

"Jaehwannie hyung will manage. Don't worry. He is old enough to take care of himself, Bin." Wonshik reassured the younger of the two. But even he is not sure.

"But what happened last month changed so many things, Wonshik. Aren't you afraid that once we leave him all alone in here, he might take his own life? There's always a possibility with everything, Shikkie. And I'm concerned about what it will do our hyung. You saw him earlier. He was like a zombie, breathing but barely living. Sanghyuk’s death took its toll on him." Hongbin's face was adorned with a frown, concern visible in his eyes.

Wonshik can't help but worried too. "I'm sure he will do well. Nothing will happen."

"That's what we thought too on the night Sanghyuk died. I don't want to risk anything anymore, Shikkie." Hongbin's eyes are now glistening with tears. He was afraid. He fears that anytime, they might lose another member.

Wonshik fell silent. That night, just a few hours before Sanghyuk's death, everything was doing fine. They were even having lots of fun. Sanghyuk was happily playing with Jae, Hakyeon and Taekwoon bickering—more like flirting—with Hakyeon doing all the talking, Wonshik and Hongbin were in their own worlds. Nothing seemed wrong that faithful night, or so they thought. Because just a few hours after, they found themselves looking at the maknae's lifeless body.

"I think we better ask Hakyeon hyung. He surely knows what to do." A suggestion that came from Wonshik. Because who else will know what to do other than their responsible leader? Hakyeon is known for his dedication to his position as the leader and the oldest hyung of the group. He has been guiding them towards success all throughout the years. He will know what to do.

"Hakyeon hyung is dealing with so many things right now. He never even sleeps. I don't think it is right to ask him." Hongbin reasoned.

"Taekwoon hyung?" A nodded from Hongbin sent them to Taekwoon.

They were in Taekwoon's room, Wonshik, Hongbin and Taekwoon. Hakyeon was in the company, dealing with things the other members can't. Jaehwan was in his room sleeping.

A look from Taekwoon told them that he wants to know what they need from him.

"Hyung, it's about Jaehwan hyung." Hongbin started. He looked at Taekwoon who gave him a sign to continue, "I—we are concerned about Jaehwan hyung's plan on staying here. I'm not sure if it will be a great idea, especially that there would be no one to watch over him." Hongbin finished his explanation with a deep sigh.

Taekwoon was silent. He was thinking what say. He understands where they are coming from but he doesn't think it's best to meddle with Jaehwan's decisions.

"Perhaps it is not really safe to leave Jaehwan alone." He looked at them which made Hongbin's eyes twinkle with hope, "But I do not think it is right to decide things for him. He is a grown man and he has the right to do what he thinks is the best for him." Hongbin's face fell.

"But hyung. What if he does something stupid? What if he... what if he kills himself?" The last question came as a whisper. Hongbin looked so helpless, staring at Taekwoon with afraid, wide eyes. A tear fell from his eyes. It was followed by many, and again and again until Hongbin was silently crying.

"Bin-ah, listen to hyu—"

"Or what if the one who murdered Hyogi come here while we are away and with Jae hyung alone here? What if he kills him too? What if we lose Jaehwan hyung too?" Taekwoon and Wonshik were looking him, not saying a thing.

Wonshik slowly pulled Hongbin for a hug. "Don't worry about a thing, Kong. We will not lose Jae hyung. He will not leave us."

"Wonshik is right. Do not worry about anything. There's nothing to worry about. Jaehwan will not kill himself. He is not like that. For now, let him mourn. There will come a time when we will finally have our lovely Jaehwan back." Hongbin calmed down after hearing those words.

What Taekwoon said has a point. And Hongbin believes him but he can't help but still uneasy. It's like there is something that he missed but and can't remember.

The two stayed embracing each other for a while, Taekwoon was just looking at them like the concerned father he is. Wonshik kept whispering silent comforting words to the visual while Hongbin just continued letting his tears fall.

Hakyeon found them a little later still in that kind of position. When he realized that Hongbin was crying, he immediately went towards the younger, throwing a confused face to Taekwoon who stayed quiet.

"What's wrong? Did something happen? Kong-ah..." Hakyeon asked gently. The image of Hongbin crying sent fear and worry to Hakyeon. He doesn't want anyone crying anymore because last time they did, a member died. The maknae died.

It was Wonshik who answered him, "We were just talking about stuff, hyung. And because of how things are now, Bin got emotional." Wonshik lied. A white lie wouldn't hurt as long as if won't burden any of them. They didn't want to tell the leader about their concern regarding Jaehwan because Hakyeon will just be worrying about it. That's the last thing they want to give him at this time.

"I'm sorry." Hakyeon stated. The members looked at him surprised. Why is their leader saying sorry? To whom? To them? “I’m sorry I can’t do anything right now. I can’t control how things are now. All my ventures are failed. I can’t even find a single hint regarding Hyogi’s death. And now, I can’t even focus on taking care of y’all. I’ve really been a terrible hyung.” He looked at them, guilt visible in his eyes.

“No, Hakyeon. You don’t have to say sorry. We can see how much you are working hard and we can’t ask for more. You’ve done things that exceed your responsibility, and now’s not the time to doubt that. Do not burden yourself with thoughts that you are not doing enough because it’s the complete opposite. Do not be troubled that things are out of your control because you are just human. And do not be sorry that you can’t take care of the kids because I am also here to do that.” It was the longest that Taekwoon said. He was looking at Hakyeon, eyes hard but concerned.

Hakyeon, in return, was gaping at him. “I—I don—”

“You are the best thing that happened to the group. Don’t doubt that. And now, with everything that’s happening to us, you will continue to lead and guide us, while we stay beside you.”

The two younger members nodded, and smiled at him, both with eyes that were red from unshed tears.

Hakyeon's heart fell at ease, but not without the slight inkling of his heart.

 

\--

 

“I’m so sorry, Hyogi. I was a bad hyung. I weren’t able to save you. If only…” Jaehwan paused, taking in a deep breath. He was once again in the dorm’s bathroom, curled away from the world in a corner, murmuring profanities to himself. One month and he is fast crumbling.

Sanghyuk was his light together with the other members. And with him gone, it was like taking away a part of the main vocalist’s being. The smiles that once adorned his face are now replaced by frowns, crinkling eyes now full of tears, and once boisterous laughs exchanged with soft whimpering. The world has completely turned 360 degrees and Jaehwan can’t keep up. Not with what happened.

He can hear the soft mumbling coming from the next room, Hakyeon’s and Taekwoon’s. He knows that the other members are gravely concerned about him and it just adds more to his frustration. He doesn’t want to burden any of them. It is not only him who is mourning and he can see that. Sanghyuk is precious to each and every one of them. Their loss was more than just losing a bandmate, rather, it was like losing a part of them, their brother, and their happiness.

Jaehwan can’t help but think, what if he came earlier, who he be able to save their maknae? If he wasn’t fooling around VLive, who he have known that there was something strange going on around the dorm? All those questions were eating Jaehwan. He badly wanted to know.

The main vocalist let out a soft whimper, followed by a new batch of tears freely falling from his eyes.

_And now, more than ever, he felt the strongest tug of depression came to him. Oh, how he badly want to end his own life._

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo~ The plot of this came to me while I was in the shower. I was desperate in coming up with a great plot but then I ended up with this. And thanks to the cult, this came to realization.


End file.
